Another 19 year story
by bunchofnumbers
Summary: Your typical 19 year after story. Going to have it as M to be safe for later.Is going to start out a little slow.
1. Chapter 1

**So I'm coming back to fanfiction after a very long time because I figure I need practice with my writing. So here is the first chapter of what happens after end of book 7 semi canon. Also i have a very disjointed writing style that does not always start working till i get into the story. Im going to put this as a M for later. My chapters usually get proggresivly longer as the story gets longer.**

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><p>Harry stepped out of Dumbledore's office with one thought on his mind, sleep. He didn't really notice anything as he glided down the hallways except for the footsteps of his two best friends. Later Harry would wonder how he made it all the way up to Gryffindor tower without any help. But as he sank down onto his old bed he slipped into his last nightmare free night for many months.<p>

When he woke up the dormitory was pitch black. Not having any idea what time it was he decided he would go ahead and get up and take a shower. The shower was one of the best experiences of his life not for the great cleansing feeling he had, but for the fact that he couldn't think about all the death and misery he was waking up to.

This however did return after Harry had finished in the bathroom where he had UN successfully tried to give himself a haircut that now looked like his head was permanently tilted. But as he stepped out of the bathroom he felt the ground shaking pain he had tried to ignore. The pain was so strong he fell to his knees in agony, waves of pain crashed all around him as heard the screams of the deaths that he himself had brought.

Then there were hushed voices and hurried footsteps and Harry realized he couldn't be around people right now so he grabbed the cloak out of his pocket and slipped down through the common room where he saw Hermione and Ron staring into open space somehow knowing that he would be using the invisibility cloak. Having no wish to talk to anyone he sped out of the common room and out into the castle.

"It all my fault," he whispered and thought. Everyone dead because of me how could he do this; he had left his god son parentless, the closest thing to family he had killed one of their sons, and countless more that he couldn't bare to think about. As harry walked and silently cried he suddenly knew where he had to go, to his grave.

Harry had reached the tomb before he had a chance to prepare himself for what he had to. As he stepped up on to the platform that held Dumbledore's tomb he looked down at his decaying old headmaster and started to sob, not quick adolescent sobs but slow deliberate sobs.  
>As he placed the wand in Dumbledore's hand he said "you shouldn't have made me come back." With that harry repaired the broken tomb and for the second time that night fell to his knees, not knowing what he was doing he leaned back against the tomb still with his invisibility cloak on and fell asleep.<p>

When harry would try to tell of his nightmares he could never describe them. But he could, he could remember every last detail of every last dream, he did not describe his dreams, not to save them of hearing his dreams but for him not having to remember...

It was in the middle of his first dream that he heard Neville shouting his name, did Neville die harry thought? But then he felt someone step on one of his legs, Harry yelped and threw the cloak of him and had his wand at the ready.

"Harry!" Neville said with a bit of surprise and what was it awe.

"Neville," harry jumped up and embraced him. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Harry where have you been we have been? We have been looking for hours for you?"

"Sorry, hey Neville could you tell everyone something from me?"

"Why can't you?"

"Well I have a few things to take care of before... before I talk to everyone," harry stuttered.

"Ok but they are not going to be happy."

They shouldn't be harry thought "they will be ok for a little while longer, by Neville," he said as he threw the invisibility cloak over himself.

"Harry." "Yes Neville."

"No one blames you," Harry not knowing what to say didn't say anything and just kept walking.


	2. Chapter 2

When his feet hit ground he was standing outside the church in contrast to the last time Harry had seen it it couldn't be more different. When harry had last been here it was a dark snowy night but the church was filled with the music of the saved. Now it was sunrise, hot, and the church was completely quiet. A little put off harry walked over to the gate of the graveyard and pushed it open. With a brisk walk harry started to his parents graves.

As he walked harry saw Ignotus Peverrell's grave and all he could do was chuckle. As harry drew closer he started to have a weird feeling a lot different than when he had come with Hermione. He came to their graves having avenged their lives; he came to their grave without a purpose looking for a purpose more than a clue. As he came level to his parents grave he flash backed to seeing his mom and dad truly for the first time.

Harry didn't feel sad he just felt empty. Harry sat on his parent's graves and pulled his knees to his chest and sat there, thinking, imagining what life he could have now. "Not a happy a life you don't deserve it," a voice in the back of his head said. Another voice contradicted him "after everything if anyone should get one it should be you." As he sat there and waged mental warfare on himself, then a third voice joined in "just shut it already, get up and get on with your life, if you are lucky enough for someone to decide that you should be happy who the fuck are you to say no to them," this voice was so loud he actually jumped and looked around for someone.

"Could it be that easy" thought harry. Just living, he didn't know but now harry had decided the time for feeling sad for himself and trying to analyze if he deserved something was over and now was the time to go ahead and get on with his life.

When harry arrived outside of Hogwarts it was around 1pm, harry having decided beforehand that now was the time to talk to everyone set out up to the castle. As he neared the castle he started to see little bands of people when he walked by they would immediately stop talking and almost it seemed dip their heads as he walked past. When he reached the open gate of the castle he stopped the almost immediately started again. First he went into the great hall to check to see if any of his friends were in there. There were not but yet again there was the odd behavior of everyone as he walked by almost bowing to him. As his first guess was wrong he next ventured up to the Gryffindor common room.

It didn't take long for him to realize that he was right as he climbed out of the portrait hole. The first person to realize he was there was Mrs. Weasley before he could realize what had happened he was caught up in the only motherly embrace he had ever felt. "I am so."

"Harry don't it's not your fault," said a teary but determined Mrs. Weasley.

"NO,'" harry said more harshly than he meant. He saw the eyes of all the Weasley's and Hermione looked at him with an odd look on their faces. "No Mrs. Weasley I have to... I have to not just for you but also for me," Mrs. Weasley nodded. "You will never know how truly sorry I am for," harry grasped for the right words "everything, I never intended for any of you" he turned to the Weasley's "to get you all involved. I know you all wanted to but it does not change the fact that you would not have been hearing if it wasn't for me." Many of the Weasley family looked as if they wanted to interrupt, harry not wanting to give them a change rolled on "I know I owe you all a explanation," his eyes rolled across the family lingering on a certain in reticular. "And I swear that you will get it if you want it. I have had a pretty bad morning and I need more sleep so I am going to go to sleep then I will talk to you whenever I happen to wake up I will talk to each of you," with a last look at the Weasley's he walked up to his dormitory.

Harry had no trouble getting to sleep the trouble was when he got to sleep. "PLEASE, I BEG YOU KILL ME!" Harry screamed as Dumbledore tipped the potion into his mouth.

"IT'S ALL MY FAULT PLEASE END IT," as he said these things harry was watching the deaths of Colin, Fred, Remus, Tonks and countless others parade across him.

"This one will Harry, this one will," came a panicked Dumbledore as he pushed more potion down his throat.

Harry heard the panicked voices of his friends he had killed more than he had thought. Suddenly his dream changed and he was on his knees at Voldemorts feet and Ginny was to his right and she was being tortured "curio," he whispered. He couldn't take her scream.

"Please, me instead," Harry barely was able to whimper into Voldemorts feet his voice hoarse from shouting

"No, I don't think so I want you to have as much pain as I can cause," Voldemort's high pitched voice said back down to him. "But if you insist, AVADA KEDAVRA," roared Voldemort and Ginny dropped to the ground.

"NO, Ginny you can't be dead!"

"I'm not you prick," came her voice from the foot of his bed. Never had harry heard such heart lifting words in his life.\

"Oh, sorry Ginny, bad dream," Harry explained.

"Obviously."

"Ginny what are you doing here?"

"Trying to wake you, everyone else tried and couldn't," she wasn't looking at him.  
>Harry trying to decide on the best course of action started to catch Ginny's eye, she wouldn't let him. Not knowing what to say he said "i am so sorry Ginny."<br>"Sorry for what?" the sound of her voice told him his answer was very crucial.

"For everything, for leaving you, and making a decision that we both should have made. For not finding away to communicate. For," Harry wondered if he dared. "For leaving you when I loved you."  
>As he said this Ginny finally looked into his eyes he could see wonder, apprehension, happiness, and anger at the same time. "What do you expect me to say to that?"<br>"Nothing, you don't have to say anything," said harry fighting to keep his eyes open.  
>"Oh just shut up and go to sleep," said an obviously sleeping Ginny. As she said this she herself sunk into the bed next to Hurry's and went straight to sleep. Not Harry, he watched and memorized every line and curve on her face.<p> 


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